“Wind chill factor” is a recognition that wind makes it seem colder than the actual air temperature. We need an “Age Acceleration Factor” to account for the fact that you feel older than you are. So Apparent Age = True age + number of chemotherapy courses (expressed as years) + number of surgical operations (“years”) + half number of body scans (“years”) + one tenth the daily dose of amitryptiline (“years”). So, I’m not really 72 but 72+3+3+5+3 = 86. Seems about right.